I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
