Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
