Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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