Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
