maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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