Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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