My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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