You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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