Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
