so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There r osticjed everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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