ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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