I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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