if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Randomize
