she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are two peas in an std pod
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
