She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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