I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we're so committed to being not committed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
