One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
