My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
