I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
