So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
