can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm passing your future prison.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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