the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
