just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
