Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
