I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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