i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
