Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
