Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
