you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
