At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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