How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
