Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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