She's JV to your varsity
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
