It was confusing and full of hummus
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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