Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
