I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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