Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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