Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
