Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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