I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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