ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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