I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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