She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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