i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
