haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
