Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
