i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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