so that wasnt chicken after all
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
