I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
