Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
