Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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